dinsdag 4 januari 2011
Why I Don't Think You've Been In Love
So let me just first say that sure, you MAY be the exception-I don’t know what occurred in all of your personal lives, i’m just suggesting that you probably weren’t.
I think a lot of people just want to feel like they’ve been in love for some reason. I mean, who wouldn’t. Every girl wants to say they’ve been in love and fit into that romanticized version that they think there life is. At least on some level, that statement rings true. It’s almost become a fad of sorts.
In addition, it seems that the majority of people i’ve talked to has been in love.???. Really? Just statistically speaking its impossible for such a large number of people to have experienced true love before the age of 20. That just simply isn’t possible. Here’s what I think you had.
You found someone of reasonable attractiveness to yourself, started a relationship that wasn’t all too hard to start (sure there may have been drama, but there was no actual hardship-actual hardship=break up) or continue. You both were similar on some relative scale (same social group, political views, uniqueness to your group, w/e). So here ya are. You have a great thing going on, you have hormones raging, you want to feel like you’ve been in love. Then x,y, and z happens and you break up. And you get older, to say 20 or whatever age where you are now a mature adult. When you reflect on those memories of that relationship, you’re remembering the emotions you had-the so-called love. Can it really be said to have been love if it was governed by hormones and outrageous emotions? Can it really be said to have been love if it ended? Sure you may give reasons that can certainly be said to have been too big of a crutch to continue the relationship, but at that point-why say you were in love? You had a strong relationship and liked someone a lot. But it was far from love. The type that you find in people who have been married for 50 years and suffered through the absolute worst of times and survived.
It erks me when I hear people say they’ve been in love and they’re not even an adult yet because it just takes so much away from what love actually is. Few, and I mean a very marginal amount of people can be a teenager and have found love that is analogous to that of a mother and her child, or of an ailing widower-sick from sadness of their partners loss.
Now of course, I don’t expect people to agree with me because apparently when you tell someone they really haven’t been in love, its like one of the most insulting things of all time-which is understandable. Your damaging their perceived reality of a past friend that they’ve retained meaning for. It’d be bizarre not to be insulted. But I’m also aware that people, especially on Tumblr, are able to take a reflective look and be ably to qualitatively and logically determine what they’ve had. I think if you take a few moments, then you may realize what you had was just a strong emotional attachment to someone in a time where it was not only suitable and preferred, but under the influence of the physical properties that govern teenager-hood.
Its all fine and dandy if you wish to still say what you had was “love” but I feel on some level, love is getting some overkill. And its being tossed around so much that people are misinterpreting what they have, or once had, as being true love-and its just causing problems. It makes you do stupid things and make irrational decision “in the name of ‘love’”.
True love should be more meaningful than the definition it receives. So out of respect for true love out there, at least just reflect, and take into consideration my point of view. It is not meant to harm or offend, it is simply meant to help true love survive, in a world of so many phonies.
Adam, you know I completely respect you and your opinions, but I think this is highly unfair to say. Who’s to say all the passion and lust and drive doesn’t translate to being in love with somebody? What does it even MEAN to be in love with somebody? True love and being in love are two very different things. Not to mention, there are different types of love, different ways in which we love different people - the way I love my mom is different from the way I love my sister which is different from the way I love my best friend which is immensely different from the way I loved Rich.
Nobody, nobody, nobody can know what goes on in a relationship aside from those two people - no matter how much they hear, no other person can know every detail of the relationship you share with another person - they can’t know every touch, every laugh shared, the memories that make up the relationship - there’s just no way. And to look at a relationship from the outside and judge that based solely off of what you think you see is just absurd!
I don’t know why love has been given this sort of elitist view - like only a few people really know the true secret to love and only a few have experienced it, when there are millions, billions of people who have had their hearts broken. What are you going to tell those people who’ve done ridiculous things in the name of love? They can’t really ALL be delusional, can they? And if they are, who says? What definition of love exists that makes all those people wrong about their feelings?
I get what you’re saying, and I don’t think the word should be thrown around the way it was back in middle school when we dated people within our social circle for about a day and then moved on to the next one and called that ‘love’ - but I think we’re older now and we’re mature enough to understand and make rational decisions, but sometimes love exceeds rationality and makes us do bizarre things. I wouldn’t knowingly put myself into a position where I knew the outcome was inevitable, but sometimes we can’t choose what we feel and who we feel it for…
I think a lot of people just want to feel like they’ve been in love for some reason. I mean, who wouldn’t. Every girl wants to say they’ve been in love and fit into that romanticized version that they think there life is. At least on some level, that statement rings true. It’s almost become a fad of sorts.
In addition, it seems that the majority of people i’ve talked to has been in love.???. Really? Just statistically speaking its impossible for such a large number of people to have experienced true love before the age of 20. That just simply isn’t possible. Here’s what I think you had.
You found someone of reasonable attractiveness to yourself, started a relationship that wasn’t all too hard to start (sure there may have been drama, but there was no actual hardship-actual hardship=break up) or continue. You both were similar on some relative scale (same social group, political views, uniqueness to your group, w/e). So here ya are. You have a great thing going on, you have hormones raging, you want to feel like you’ve been in love. Then x,y, and z happens and you break up. And you get older, to say 20 or whatever age where you are now a mature adult. When you reflect on those memories of that relationship, you’re remembering the emotions you had-the so-called love. Can it really be said to have been love if it was governed by hormones and outrageous emotions? Can it really be said to have been love if it ended? Sure you may give reasons that can certainly be said to have been too big of a crutch to continue the relationship, but at that point-why say you were in love? You had a strong relationship and liked someone a lot. But it was far from love. The type that you find in people who have been married for 50 years and suffered through the absolute worst of times and survived.
It erks me when I hear people say they’ve been in love and they’re not even an adult yet because it just takes so much away from what love actually is. Few, and I mean a very marginal amount of people can be a teenager and have found love that is analogous to that of a mother and her child, or of an ailing widower-sick from sadness of their partners loss.
Now of course, I don’t expect people to agree with me because apparently when you tell someone they really haven’t been in love, its like one of the most insulting things of all time-which is understandable. Your damaging their perceived reality of a past friend that they’ve retained meaning for. It’d be bizarre not to be insulted. But I’m also aware that people, especially on Tumblr, are able to take a reflective look and be ably to qualitatively and logically determine what they’ve had. I think if you take a few moments, then you may realize what you had was just a strong emotional attachment to someone in a time where it was not only suitable and preferred, but under the influence of the physical properties that govern teenager-hood.
Its all fine and dandy if you wish to still say what you had was “love” but I feel on some level, love is getting some overkill. And its being tossed around so much that people are misinterpreting what they have, or once had, as being true love-and its just causing problems. It makes you do stupid things and make irrational decision “in the name of ‘love’”.
True love should be more meaningful than the definition it receives. So out of respect for true love out there, at least just reflect, and take into consideration my point of view. It is not meant to harm or offend, it is simply meant to help true love survive, in a world of so many phonies.
Adam, you know I completely respect you and your opinions, but I think this is highly unfair to say. Who’s to say all the passion and lust and drive doesn’t translate to being in love with somebody? What does it even MEAN to be in love with somebody? True love and being in love are two very different things. Not to mention, there are different types of love, different ways in which we love different people - the way I love my mom is different from the way I love my sister which is different from the way I love my best friend which is immensely different from the way I loved Rich.
Nobody, nobody, nobody can know what goes on in a relationship aside from those two people - no matter how much they hear, no other person can know every detail of the relationship you share with another person - they can’t know every touch, every laugh shared, the memories that make up the relationship - there’s just no way. And to look at a relationship from the outside and judge that based solely off of what you think you see is just absurd!
I don’t know why love has been given this sort of elitist view - like only a few people really know the true secret to love and only a few have experienced it, when there are millions, billions of people who have had their hearts broken. What are you going to tell those people who’ve done ridiculous things in the name of love? They can’t really ALL be delusional, can they? And if they are, who says? What definition of love exists that makes all those people wrong about their feelings?
I get what you’re saying, and I don’t think the word should be thrown around the way it was back in middle school when we dated people within our social circle for about a day and then moved on to the next one and called that ‘love’ - but I think we’re older now and we’re mature enough to understand and make rational decisions, but sometimes love exceeds rationality and makes us do bizarre things. I wouldn’t knowingly put myself into a position where I knew the outcome was inevitable, but sometimes we can’t choose what we feel and who we feel it for…
